Feels like a long time since the last post.  It’s probably only been a week or something, but whatever.  We are coming down the home stretch on the edit, this is our final week, and have been especially busy the last couple weeks.  It was Mike LaHaie’s (one of our editors) last day last Friday, we went out for oysters for what I christened the first annual Delocated Oyst Hoist.  Here is a shot of Mike putting final touches on an episode, under the watchful eye of a ski masked Lady Liberty.

Another reason for the length between posts was that it was also feeling a little insignificant in the wake of the Haiti earthquake.  I had been drafting a post about the Leno-Conan debacle, but it was feeling a bit righteous and unimportant.  Hopefully everyone has donated some money or clothes or time or something.

Anyhoozies, I’ll stop bringing everybody down and just summarize on the Leno-Conan ordeal by saying that it’s a sad day for comedy when someone as smart and funny as Conan is taken off the air, after only 7 months no less, and the incredibly unfunny, bland, high five-ing, pandering, sidekick chuckling bullshit that he replaced is put back.  Awful.  Show bizzz!  Hopefully Conan is back soon.

One bright spot from the whole debacle is that it produced my new hero:  Jimmy Kimmel.  I’m sure anyone reading this post has seen these clips, but if not, please enjoy the following:  1) Kimmel doing a Leno impression for AN ENTIRE EPISODE OF HIS SHOW, complete with a horrible monologue, horrible comedy, and sidekick chuckling.  Truly inspired.  2) Kimmel ripping Leno on Leno’s own show, turning a cutesy Q&A segment into scathing and hilarious commentary;  3)  Kimmel explaining what happened on that Q&A appearance, after Leno went on Oprah and called the experience a sucker punch.

Okay, now that that’s out of the way, let’s move on to much more important things, like me having another IM chat with the cable company customer service.  As always, this is real, there is an option where you can request an emailed transcription of the conversation.  This time, I logged on as Steve Yzerman.  I was actually inquiring if they had a channel in high definition, called Versus, which, among other programs, shows a lot of hockey and also the Tour de France, and decided that since I was already there, I may as well also ask about Cartoon Network and Delocated.

Daniela:    Thank you for contacting (cable company). We are currently testing our live chat function and appreciate your patience. At the end of our chat you will be given the option of taking a brief survey. My name is Daniela. Please give me a moment while I access your account.

Daniela:    Hello Mr. Yzerman.

Steve:    Hello.

Daniela:    Can you please provide me with your account number?

Steve:    I am not a customer, I checked that box when I signed in.

Daniela:    I understand. Please allow me a minute.

Daniela:    Yes we have both channels in High definition.

Steve:    Oh, that’s great to know.  What channel number is Versus HD?  I’m apartment sitting for my friend Terry Sawchuck, and I see Versus, but not Versus HD.  Can you tell me the channel number so I can find it?

Steve:    I’d call Terry and ask him, but he’s out of the country.

Daniela:    Versus is channel 481.

Steve:    Oh, 481.  Let me take a look.

Daniela:    Great.

Steve:    Hey, what do yo know, there it is!!!!  I’m very happy.  I love hockey, and it’s so much better in high def.

Steve:    Don’t know if you like hockey, but believe me, the HD makes a big diff.

Daniela:    Perfect.

Daniela:    Yes, that is correct.

Daniela:    Is there anything else that I can do for you?

Steve:    I’ll say.  The picture is perfect.

Steve:    Oh, sorry, I see your other question, I’m a little behind.  Yes, my other question is about a show called Delocated, which is on Cartoon Network.  Are you able to tell me if you carry that?

Daniela:    Please allow me a minute to look for it.

Steve:    Sure.  Although I guess if you carry Cartoon Network, you probably carry the show.  Sometimes I ask the most obvious, dumb questions.

Daniela:    No, I am sorry I am not able to see the programs right now.

Daniela:    No problem. I am here to assist you.

Daniela:    Do you have any other questions or concerns that I can assist you with today?

Steve:    Thanks for being understanding.  They say there’s no such thing as a dumb question, but when you tell me that you carry Cartoon Network, and I ask if you carry a show that is on the network that you just told me you carry, the answer seems pretty obvious.  So, I’d call that a dumb question.

Daniela:    Ha, ha. It is fine it is better to ask than keep with the doubt.

Daniela:    You are welcome.

Steve:    I couldn’t agree more.  I’d like a little less doubt in my life.  Like, there’s no doubt that Delocated is my favorite show, are you familiar with it?

Daniela:    No, I have not watched it. I will follow your advice and definitely I have to watch it some day.

Steve:    Oh, you will love it, it is so funny.  It’s about a guy in the witness protection program and the lead character wears a ski mask.  Isn’t that crazy?  Why would the lead actor in a show wear a ski mask?  I thought all actors were vain and want to be recognized?  This guy’s going the other way with it.

Daniela:    Oh that sounds great. I have to watch it.

Daniela:    Thank you for the information.

Steve:    You won’t regret it.

Steve:    It is my pleasure, I am more than happy to tell people about the funniest show on television.  Not sure when the new season premiers, but you can get the first season on itunes, if you have an ipod or computer.

Steve:    Man, this HD is insane, I feel like I’m at this hockey game.

Daniela:    Perfect. I will look for that. Thank you.

Daniela:    Yes, it is awesome.

Steve:    Ha ha!  It’s incredible!  I’m watching the Penguins-Rangers, by the way.  1-1 in the 3rd.  Although you guys must have a ton of tv’s over there.

Steve:    HUGE SAVE LUNDQUIST!!!!!!!!!!

Daniela:    Ha, ha. Enjoy the game. Is there something else that I can do for you?

Steve:    No, that’s probably it.  Sorry if I was taking so much time, I just get carried away watching hockey, it’s my favorite sport.  Now only if Delocated would do a hockey episode!

Steve:    OH, NASTY HIT BY AVERY!!!!!!!!!!!

Daniela:    No problem, it is good to share your feelings and hobbies.

Daniela:    Unfortunately I have to keep working and giving support to our customers.

Daniela:    Is there anything else that I can do for you?

Steve:    Daniela, I couldn’t agree more.  Thank you so much for your help and patience.  They just cut to Boomer Esiason in the crowd, by the way.  Whoops, there I go again, wasting your time.  Thank you so much, good night!

Daniela:    You are welcome.

Daniela:    Have a great night and enjoy the game.

Daniela:    Again, my name is Daniela. Thank you for chatting with (cable company). We value you as a customer and we are here to assist you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. If you would like to take brief survey please click on  end session and the survey will load.

Steve:    Thank you, I will.  This is some serious end to end action.  I will look for the ‘end session’ button now.  Okay, found it, I’m going to click it.  Thank you again.  Incredible save by Fleury.